


Kindling

by Elveny



Series: Spark of Hope [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-07 10:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8798005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elveny/pseuds/Elveny
Summary: “Lyssa”, her mother whispered when she saw that her daughter was awake and came to kneel next to her bed, taking her face in both hands. “We’re going to find the Dalish. The alienage has taken everything from us. I will not wait until the Templars take you too. Come, sweetheart. We will leave as soon as the gate opens at dawn.”





	1. Life and Loss

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Inquisitor's backstory.

The thing Lyssa remembered most vividly about her childhood was the smell of honeycomb cake. Her mother Darina had always made it on birthdays, a rare and treasured treat, served only in the evenings in the warm candle light, when darkness smoothed the harsh edges of their tiny home. They lived in a small, cramped room in the alienage, Lyssa, her parents and her three brothers, but the lack of space never bothered the children. Her mother had a skill for making the home warm and special, even in the absolute poverty they lived in. Life in Denerim was hard but her parents tried their best to shield their children from the worst of it. Mother always found a colourful ribbon for them to braid in their hair or Father brought a broken toy he’d fished out of the trash of his employer which he’d fix up to give to them.

Lyssa was a shy but cheerful child, eager to learn. From an early age, she helped her mother with her tiny herb garden, joined her in making tinctures and salves and watched carefully when her mother dressed a wound. Darina was no official healer but she knew her way around a body and injuries enough to be asked for help by neighbours now and then, helping with childbirth or nursing someone back to health in exchange for a little money or a loaf of bread or what they could spare. Soon, Lyssa lent her a hand, silent from the background, her eyes big as she drank in all the knowledge she could gather.

She could still remember the day when it all changed. It had been early spring, shortly after her sixth birthday. Lyssa was playing outside, building a small town made of rocks and leaves and sticks for one the wooden toy pony Father had given her for her birthday. It happened suddenly, without her meaning to do it. She put out her hand to collect another pebble when it flew into her hand by itself. Lyssa stared at it in wonder before a small smile curved her lips. Curiously, she tried to make another stone fly towards her, tapping into that warm, beautiful feeling somewhere inside of her. It felt as if a small spark had awakened, dancing inside her and Lyssa laughed as another pebble came and another. She made them dance and her eyes shone when they started to float in front of her. Just when she was about to try and make her whole little town float, a shriek from her mother startled her. “Lyssa!” Darina called, her voice shrill with shock and Lyssa gave such a start that all the pebbles and stones and wood huts, the whole little town she had built, exploded away from her. Before she could understand what was happening, her mother swooped her up, racing her inside, not even bothering to dry her daughter’s hot, frightened tears.

Lyssa couldn’t understand her mother’s shock at what was for her a beautiful, warm feeling and why she wasn’t allowed to go out for the next three days. The heated discussions that followed, the fear in both her parents’ and eldest brother’s eyes were a nightmare she didn’t comprehend. Then, one evening, her parents sat down with her to explain what was happening.

“We don’t want to scare you, sweetheart. But what you did was magic. Do you know what that means?”

Lyssa nodded, her eyes large and full of tears. She had seen the Templars take away her neighbour after he accidentally froze the fountain in the market just a few months back. He had been eight. His parents had become withdrawn and silent ever since. The boy had been their only child.

“Do you want to go to the Templars to learn with other mages? It might be fun. You would be in the Circle and I hear they have a lot of books.” Her father stroked her hair but his smile was forced. “You could never come home, though”, he added quietly. Lyssa stared at her parents. She wanted more of the warm, fiery feeling and the thought of books and learning was tempting. For a moment she thought about it.

“I could never come home?”

Her mother shook her head, wiping her eyes. “No, they… say it is too dangerous. You would get another family.”

Lyssa stared at her with wide eyes. Another family? But who would then come with her mother to take care of the plants? The twins were still too young.

“I don’t want another family!” she exclaimed, shaking her head fiercely, and snuggled closer to her father. He closed his arms around her, as she added somewhat scared, “I want to stay here. Can I please stay?”

“Of course, my sweetheart,” her mother said immediately, a sob in her voice, joining in their embrace.

“We will try to protect you”, Father murmured against her hair, keeping her close. For a long while they stayed like this, just holding each other, before her mother looked Lyssa in the eye. She was very calm and serious as she said instently, “You can never use your magic outside, alright? Can you promise that?”

Lyssa nodded, even though she didn’t quite understand what it really meant. But she knew that she never wanted to leave here. And so she kept the little spark inside her hidden, only using it whenever it grew so strong that she felt it would bubble over. A little bit here, a little bit there, never outside, never in view of others. And it worked.

She mostly made the fire, stoking it here and there, trying to dim it until it nearly died just to bring it back to life. There were accidents of course, like the one time where she made the table break straight in half when she got angry but none that couldn’t be handled. Lyssa stayed inside most of the time, watching the people outside. She made a game out of trying to read what they were feeling, thinking, saying and after a few years, she had learned to read people’s faces like the one book she owned. Her little brothers especially often complained about how she always knew when they lied or tried to sneak out. That Lyssa herself was completely unable to hide her own feelings, however, was a constant source of delight for them when they teased her or argued with her.

For several years, everything seemed fine. The curious questions of their neighbours at how much Lyssa now stayed inside died down after a few weeks and after a while they started to believe the tales of her being too shy and quickly overwhelmed from too many people. She still went out to play sometimes or accompanied her mother but after a while she no longer minded being home most of the time. She took care of what chores had to be done, easing her parents’ workload. She wasn’t lonely, her brothers made sure of that and her ability to glean scandals and small truths from her watching the people around her never ceased to amaze them. Her mother continued her work as maid during the day and healer by night, made honeycomb cake for birthdays and special occasions and taught her and the twins what basics she knew, talking in detail about the things she did when called upon. Sometimes, Lyssa still joined her but only if she knew the spark within her was small and silent. Her father taught the eldest the carpentering he knew and everything seemed to work out just as they hoped. Lyssa’s tenth, then eleventh, twelfth and thirteenth birthday came and went without her being discovered as a mage and they had learned how to live without fear, if not without vigilance.

Then, an outbreak of the measles came. At first, it was only tiredness and then a bad, dry cough her father had, then the twins started complaining about headaches. Then the fever came and the red spots appeared. Not two weeks later, her father stopped breathing just when he seemed to get better. The twins died within the next three days. Lyssa was too shocked and tired to even cry. Her mother had barely slept while she had tried her best to nurse her loved ones back to health but as she pulled the blanket above the youngest twin’s face, something within her seemed to have died as well. But when she looked at Lyssa and Tarion, her eldest, she seemed to gather her strength. The disease had taken many lives in the alienage and they were never alone in their grief. Tarion was nearly 16 and had learned enough to fill in his father’s spot at the workshop where he had worked and so they carried on, slowly learning to live in a home that now seemed too big with they family being cut by half.

 

It was in spring two years later that they heard the first rumours of a Blight. Within weeks, the rumours grew to facts and one day, guards came and took Tarion and several other able-bodied young men and women from the alienage to fight in the war against the Blight, whether they wanted to or not. He never even made it to the field, they told Darina not a fortnight later. Some human had accidentally killed him during training. The way the soldier said it, Lyssa doubted it was accidental. Suddenly, despite the summer, everything was cold.

It was the first time that Darina let the fire in the hearth go out. When the soldier left, she just sat down and stared at the wall. And she continued to do so for a whole day, not reacting to anything, just staring, a blank expression on her face framed from hair that had started greying when Lyssa’s father and the twins had died. Lyssa tried in vain to console her, to make her talk or at least listen but when her mother reacted to nothing, she stopped. Tears burned in her eyes as she stared out the window, watching the guard go to another door, and another. He seemed tired but there was something cold, detached about him as he brought news of another dead elf that didn’t matter to their family. When he finally turned towards the big gate separating the alienage from the humans, she could see the relief only too clearly in the sagging of his shoulders, the unclenching of his jaw. All those little signs so few others seemed to see.

When darkness fell, her mother hadn’t moved a muscle. Without saying a word, Lyssa put something to eat in front of her, then went to bed to cry. Sometime in the night, she fell into an uneasy sleep that was touched by nightmares and temptations, the tears only slowly drying on her face. When she woke the next morning just before dawn, her mother was already packing. The food was still untouched on the table but at least she was moving. Lyssa sat up with a relieved sigh but when she saw her mother’s face, the worry came back. Darina was pale, with a determined, nearly feverish look in her eyes. Dark shadows were beneath her eyes and her mouth had the angry line she normally only showed when she was furious.

“Mom?” Lyssa asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

“Lyssa,” her mother whispered when she saw that her daughter was awake and came to kneel next to her bed, taking her face in both hands. “We’re going to find the Dalish. The alienage has taken everything from us. I will not wait until the Templars take you too. Come, sweetheart. We will leave as soon as the gate opens at dawn.”

Lyssa blinked as her mind tried to make sense of her mother’s words. The Dalish? But they were a myth! She was still sluggish from the nightmares and grief and all she could think to say was: “But Fian’s and Soris’ wedding next week…”

But Darina shook her head, stroking her daughter’s hair. “They will have to do without us. Come.”

They took all the food they could carry in their bags, wearing three sets of clothing above each other, leaving behind their small, colourful home and with it, the grief and heartbreak it had come to signify.


	2. The Long Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyssa bit her lip to stop it from quivering and looked back to the waysign. She knew there was a Circle there. They had to take her in if she told them that she was a mage. They would then surely also look after her mother, even if they couldn’t stay together, wouldn’t they?  
> Her heart clenched as she pictured the scene. What would they do to an apostate?  
> She took her mother’s arm. It didn’t matter what they would do to her. As long as her mother lived. As long as she herself lived.

The smell of honeycomb cake seemed far away. Sometimes, Lyssa felt like she could no longer even recall the taste of sweetness or even the golden hue of honey. Colours seemed to have slowly faded away with the last leaves of autumn and while neither of them talked about it, Lyssa knew her mother was as sure as her to not survive the first snow. Sometimes, the thought seemed better than lingering on, wandering aimlessly in the wilderness in vain and helpless hopes of finding the Dalish.

Dalish.

How hollow that word sounded now.

As long as they still had had food they hadn’t really worried. But when summer had turned to autumn and autumn had turned to winter and fruits and nuts had started to become scarce, they had started to try and cover more ground each day, a route that took them west and then north and finally, after hitching a ride now and then with gracious farmers or hunters or the ever-growing stream of refugees, over the sea into the Free Marches. Now they wandered the land, climbing mountains and trying to find the quickest way to the forest that would at least give them shelter in the ever more frequent rains. So far, Lyssa’s magic had kept their fire going but she started to seriously worry about her mother a few days ago. The hollow look reminded her too much of what she had seen after Tarion’s death and she barely stopped coughing.

For too long now, they just kept going without real goal. And they both showed too many bones. Lyssa knew her mother was too proud to give up hope, too proud to admit she might be wrong about them finding the mythical, free elven folk. They had wandered the land for nearly six months now and while they had sometimes found strange markers in the woods or at crossroads, everything else had been but stories about them. By now they knew they existed, had met enough people who had traded with them - but none could tell them where they might be able to find them. “Good luck with that,” a farmer had laughed in their faces, back when they had still been in Ferelden and the days had still been more sunny than grey. “But don’t be surprised if they shoot first and then ask questions. They’re not actually friendly as long as they don’t need something you have. Sometimes they’re not friendly even then.”

He had even offered them food and lodgings if they helped on his fields but the look in his eyes when he had eyes first her, then her mother, had made Lyssa take an instinctive step back, drawing her mother with her. They had left quickly afterwards. 

The roads seemed to go in only one direction: west, along the coast. Lyssa knew what lay ahead and despite her mother’s reassurances that they would find shelter soon, she also knew that they had reached a point where they could no longer afford to hope in vain. It had been two days ago that they had eaten something more than stale nuts tasting vaguely of mould and Lyssa was so exhausted she didn’t even manage to weep as it started raining again. The cold had settled so deep in her bones she doubted she could ever be warm again. But with the mud around her ankles her resolve grew. The Dalish didn’t matter if they didn’t survive. It was time to do the right thing. 

The roads seemed to go in only one direction: west, along the coast. Lyssa knew what lay ahead and despite her assurances to her mother that they would find shelter soon, she also knew that they had reached a point where they could no longer afford to hope in vain. It had been two days ago that they had eaten something more than stale nuts tasting vaguely of mould and Lyssa was so exhausted she didn’t even manage to weep as it started raining again. The cold had settled so deep in her bones she doubted she could ever be warm again. But with the mud around her ankles her resolve grew. The Dalish didn’t matter if they didn’t survive. It was time to do the right thing.

She looked up at the waysign pointing towards Ostwick, just as her mother coughed again. They had tried to stay away from cities, from the potential threat of Templars. As soon as they had reached the Free Marches in a small haven somewhere east of Kirkwall, they had separated from the other refugees who all seemed only too eager to get to the big city. Many had family there or friends or just hoped for help there, not having enough money or strength to go further. Lyssa and her mother had gone east instead of west but they hadn’t made much headway with Darina getting more sick by the day. Her eyes went back to her mother who leaned against the post, holding her coat together with weak fingers as she was wrecked by another fit of cough. Lyssa bit her lip to stop it from quivering and looked back to the waysign. She knew there was a Circle there. They had to take her in if she told them that she was a mage. They would then surely also look after her mother, even if they couldn’t stay together, wouldn’t they?

Her heart clenched as she pictured the scene. What would they do to an apostate? It didn’t matter what they would do to her. As long as her mother lived. As long as she herself lived.

It was telling that her mother hadn’t yet spoken of leaving the road again even though they were barely two days away from Ostwick. Maybe she had come to the same conclusion as she...

Raindrops ran over Lyssa’s face as if they wanted to mimic the tears that had dried out. She didn’t pay them any attention them as she thought about what would happen to them. Her mother would finally be safe - getting the healing and food she desperately needed. And Ostwick probably had an alienage as well, so it couldn’t be too bad, could it? At least it was familiar. Mum would settle in, maybe find a new family. But what would the templars do with a juvenile apostate, an elf at that? Wasn’t being an apostate itself reason to imprison her?

There had always been stories about apostates - mostly bad ones. Blood mages, all of them, of course. Or worse, abominations. The word caused a shiver to run down Lyssa’s back, even though it was only a word. It incorporated something horrible, monstrous and deadly, something that lurked in shadows and nightmares, behind cellar doors and showed itself in the distorted image one saw of oneself in a bared blade. She had no idea what an abomination actually was, only that it had something to do with demons. But then, she couldn’t be an abomination, could she? She had never seen a demon. She had talked to spirits in her dreams but never to demons. So maybe it wouldn’t be too bad in Ostwick. They would save her mother and Lyssa herself would learn to better control her magic and everything would be alright. She held on to that thought like a bee to a flower, a frightened resolve in her eyes. When darkness fell, she could see the city looming some distance away and the air had started to smell more distinctly like the sea.

That night they found shelter in an abandoned shed that proved to be just good enough to keep the rain out, if not the cold. Darina fell into an uneasy sleep as soon as she had lain down. Lyssa caressed her brow and sat down next to her, taking off her coat to put it over her mother. For a long, too long moment she stared into the twilight that had fallen, without really thinking or seeing. She felt too exhausted to form a coherent stream of thought. But what was there to say, to think about anyway? With a bit of luck they would reach the city tomorrow and then it would be out of her hands anyway. With a deep, tired sigh she stood up again and went to gather what wood she could find. Unfortunately, wood was all there was to find. It seemed like the unforgiving humidity and cold of this early winter was even too much for elfroot which normally managed to grow nearly everywhere.

Lyssa ignored the hollow ache in her stomach and settled on trying to becoming warm at least. With ease she invoked a small fireball in her palm and slowly coaxed the splinters, straw and branches she had found in the shed to a crackling fire. It was the one thing she had done so often in her life now that she didn’t even have to think about what to do, she just used the magic instinctively. The flames cast dancing shadows on the grey wood walls and she could see that there was too much smoke from the too wet wood. For a moment she considered extinguishing it again to avoid detection but then again… what was the worst that could happen? Someone taking her to the Templars? Lyssa hugged herself and huddled closer to the fire, stretching her fingers towards the flames. When her mother started to mutter her brothers’ names in her sleep, throwing herself about, she looked up and, with an effort, stood up again. Maybe she should bring her closer to the fire, she thought as she tucked her coat closer around her.

“Shhh”, she made tiredly but when she touched Darina and felt the immense heat coming off her, she got scared. No. Not now. Not today. Not when they were so close to help! For a second she just stared at her mother, then she went back to their packs, emptying them twice completely in a frantic search for anything left that might ease the fever, coming up with nothing. Not a crumb left, not a single leaf of elfroot or willow’s bark. Desperate she sank back onto her heels, looking at her mother’s flushed face. It reminded her eerily of how her father had looked just hours before he had died. The same sheen of sweat on the brows, the dry, cracked lips and labored breathing. “Mom?” she asked, her voice breaking but her mother did not react. Lyssa pressed her hands on her eyes, trying to clear her anxious thoughts. What could she do? What had her mother done when she had tried to save Dad?

Those last hours before each of her family member’s death were imprinted on her mind, each thing her mother had done clear in her head. But she didn’t even have what her mom had had back then - no herbs, no tinctures, no medicine. Throughout the night, she tried to recreate everything as good as she could - keeping her as warm as possible, making some hot water for lack of tee and leg compresses. She only wished she knew how to cool something (or rather someone) with her magic but all she had ever managed to do was to create fire and heat or levitation. She knew there were ways to heal with magic but she didn’t dare to try it - at best nothing would happen and at worst, she could seriously harm her mother. She would need to remedy that, she decided. It would be the first thing she would ask the Circle to teach her. If they ever reached Ostwick and if she wasn’t imprisoned for being an apostate and if her mother survived the night.

The thought came suddenly like lightning and as harsh, making her jump up and rush to check if Darina was still breathing. Her fingers shook as she laid them upon her mother’s chest. Only when she felt the slow, laboured rise and fall, Lyssa shakingly let out the breath she had held, sinking back and a short, relieved laugh escaped her.

But suddenly, the whole situation came crashing down on her and the laugh turned into a sob. First one, then two and then she was weeping. Not a cute crying but an ugly, full-out wailing. She hadn’t cried like that in years, not even after her baby brothers had died. Back then she had tried to keep it together for her mother but now, hot tears and snot streamed over her face and for once she didn’t care. It probably was the last night she’d ever spend with her mother and she was delusional with fever. If she survived the night - and at the moment, with the rain and the hunger, Lyssa wasn’t sure at all - Lyssa couldn’t even know if she would be able to get her mother as far as Ostwick tomorrow. What was she to do?

Lyssa threw her arms around her legs and buried her face into her knees, rocking herself to and fro. Slowly, ever so slowly, her sobbing subsided and after a while, she sank onto her side, curling up next to her mother and fell into an uneasy sleep.   
  



	3. An Unexpected Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But - how?”
> 
> “You’re not the only one with magic, da’len."

“Da’len, wake up.”

An unfamiliar voice penetrated her sleep and Lyssa reluctantly opened her eyes, fighting off the dream shadows. Grey daylight flooded in through the many holes in the walls and the fire had died. Only a few meters from her stood a strange elven man with short black hair and peculiar markings upon his face, a long staff in his hand. With a jolt, Lyssa was fully awake and leapt to her feet, going into an instinctive defensive stance, a fireball forming in her hand even before she had formed a really coherent thought. But before she could do anything more, the man just smiled and made a small gesture and Lyssa’s fireball died in her hand. She stared at her hand then at the other elf, her thoughts stumbling over themselves before she managed to say, “But - how?”

“You’re not the only one with magic, da’len," the man chuckled, despite the seriousness in his eyes. She gave him a wide-eyed look, slowly straightening as she finally shook off the last bit of sleep-induced disorientation and realized the obvious: that the staff in the man’s hand was a mage’s staff. Quickly, she scanned his face for the little telltale signs of anger or fear or threatening  violence but she couldn’t find anything but calmness and vigilance. Her eyes flew around the room to check if he was alone but she couldn’t see anyone else beside the mage and her mother -

“Mom!”

Lyssa paled and rushed to her mother’s side. How could she have forgotten her, how could she have fallen asleep when her mother was fighting for her life? She frantically searched her face and chest for signs of life. Darina’s face was ashen, her forehead dotted with sweaty pearls but she breathed. It was shallow but she breathed. Lyssa’s relief was so overwhelming she nearly wept.

“She is sick but she will be fine.”

The stranger’s voice came from her side where he had knelt down and Lyssa looked up, clasping her mother’s clammy hand between hers, a desperate hope in her voice.

“Can you help her? You have magic - please?”

The man cocked his head thoughtfully and gripped his staff more tightly.

“I will try.”

He held out a hand over Darina’s chest and a bluish light started to engulf them both. Lyssa stared in wonder, her heart tight. After several minutes, the elf let out a strained sigh and let his hand sink. Lyssa’s eyes filled with tears of relief as she realized that her mother’s breathing had deepened and she muttered “thank you” over and over again. 

“I’m afraid there is only so much I can do, da’len," the mage said, shaking his head and Lyssa fell silent again, looking at him with desperation. He stood up and she quickly followed suit, as he said, “The rest is up to the healers and herself. We will have to take her back to the clan.”

Lyssa had trouble staying on top of what was happening. He said to take her back to the clan, so did that mean…

Suddenly, her mother’s voice cut into her thoughts. “The clan? Did we finally find the Dalish?” Darina said, her voice hoarse. Both Lyssa and the mage looked to her as she tried to sit up.

“Mom, you’re awake!” Lyssa cried out and threw her arms around her mother, supporting her as she sat up.

“I am,” Darina murmured, hugging her back before she eyed the stranger who smiled at them.

“I’d say I found you but, yes. You’re from the city, are you not?”

They both nodded. “Yes, we are. But we left last summer. My daughter…” Darina looked at Lyssa who murmured, “He already knows.”

“The magic?” the elf said and Lyssa nodded. “Is… is that a problem?” she asked with a small voice, suddenly desperate and hopeful and excited at the same time. “Can we come stay with you? I don’t want to go to the Circle. Please?”

The smile flickered again across the man’s face at Lyssa’s question. “That’s for the Keeper to decide. But I don’t see why not. First, we have to get you there, though. I think I’ll have to get the hunters to carry you.” He nodded at Darina who vehemently shook her head, even though she coughed again.

“No, don’t fret. I can walk. Honey, help me up, please.”

It took her a few tries but eventually she managed to stand, pale and shaky, but she was standing. Lyssa anxiously held her by the arm, more concerned with her than with anything else but her mother smiled at her before turning towards the elf. “My name is Darina. This is Lyssa.”

The elf seemed to catch himself, quickly answering, “I’m so sorry, where are my manners! I am Meraan of the Lavellan clan. Are you sure you are able to walk?”

“I’ll manage,” Darina nodded and Lyssa sighed a breath of relief as she heard the way her mother talked. She was still far from healthy, that much was clear but it was as if some of the strength she had lost had finally come back.

Meeran smiled and inclined his head. “Very well then. I will wait outside until you have packed.”

Lyssa’s eyes fell onto the chaos she had caused the day before when she had emptied all of their meager belongings onto the ground, spreading them out in search for anything to help her mother. She blushed and quickly started to gather everything up as Meeran went outside.

Her mother moved to help her but Lyssa shook her head. “I got it, mom.”

She wasn’t sure whether she really should believe something good had finally happened but for the moment, she had to. She needed this to be true, they both did.

 

It didn’t take them more than a few minutes to pack and shortly afterwards, they were on their way, following Meeran into the woods. There was a strange silence between them as they walked away from the city looming in the distance. Lyssa wiped her face tiredly as they entered the small forest and steadied her mother who suppressed another fit of cough. Had this really happened? Did they get help? The whole situation was unreal and Lyssa feared that any moment now, she would wake up and find herself alone again with her dying mother. Could it really be that their luck had turned?

When they came to the Dalish camp which was situated a bit farther up the mountains, a healer already awaited them and as soon as she had taken a look at Darina, rushed them to a fireplace next to a wagon with bright sail-like cloth. It was obvious that they planned to stay longer - there were baskets and racks filled with herbs and pots and bandages, the ground was covered with woven mats and carpets and several small beds. The whole place seemed to serve as a sort of hospital. Lyssa stayed back as the healer immediately started to work on her mother, barking commands in another language to a boy approximately Lyssa’s age. Lyssa carefully put their bundles down next to the wagon, trying to stay invisible.

At first, she fearfully kept her eyes on her mother who seemed only too glad to lie down again but soon she got distracted by the novelty of the Dalish camp. Having grown up in the Alienage, she was used to seeing mainly elves but this was another thing completely. City elves were not allowed to carry weapons of any kind and the poverty among them was normal - even in the Alienage there were beggars and starving or sick people on the street. One tried to be invisible in the human streets which gave most people a kind of hushed look. And despite them being apart from the humans, they still wore the same clothes as them, ate the same food, shared the same religion.

But here, none of this applied. Everyone seemed to wear a weapon - at least a dagger, even the children. They had a distinct fashion that showed in in the clothes and the adornments of weapons and wagons, not to mention the tattoos every adult had on their face. And more than that: everyone held their head high. There was no hiding, no averting the gaze, no hunched shoulders. These elves knew who they were and they were proud of it.

There were about a dozen wagons in the camp, though most were smaller than that of the healer, and even more fireplaces. Next to the wagons and around the fireplaces benches and racks were placed and canvases were spread between wagons and trees to give shelter from the rains.

Children, small dogs and even one or two stag calves were running between them and at nearly every fire, something was cooking or roasting above it.

Lyssa swallowed hard as she got aware of the smells wafting towards her, suddenly very aware of how incredibly hungry she was. Her huge eyes fixated on the pot that hung over the next fireplace. She curled her fingers to fists and swallowed again before she forced her eyes away and back to her mother. She tried in vain to remember when it had been last that she had eaten something hot - or even something more substantial than nuts and berries and leaves. A hollow and sharp ache filled her stomach but she didn’t dare to approach the fireplace. They were guests after all and she couldn’t leave her mother alone. She stole a look towards the food again since the healer and her apprentice were still fussing over her mother. Maybe she could pay for it? Somewhere there had to be something she could still sell, even if they didn’t have any money left. Or she could work for it? Maybe she -

“You look hungry, da’len.”

Lyssa gave a jerk at the unexpected comment. She hadn’t heard anyone approaching. An older, elegant woman with grey hair looked at her with kind eyes. Meraan stood next to her and gave Lyssa an encouraging smile. She swallowed again, her eyes flickering back to the food, before she nodded.

“Come.”

The older woman lead the way to the fireplace and at her nod, the man who had been busy working on a basket filled a bowl with the stew from the pot and gave it to Lyssa.

“For me?” Lyssa asked him, disbelief in her voice, looking from one to the other.

“Sure,” he said, nodding to her before he went back to work on his basket.

“But… but I can’t pay for it,” she stammered.

“Don’t worry about that, da’len,” the older woman said, “sit with me and eat.”

She had sat down on the bench and patted the seat next to her as indication for Lyssa to sit down as well. Lyssa sat down obediently and when the woman nodded at her, she started to eat. The smell alone was so good she got teary-eyed and when she had had the first taste it was like something was taking her over and any thought of decency was lost. The stew was nearly too hot to eat but she didn’t mind, gobbling it down as fast as she could. She didn’t see the looks the others exchanged but as soon as the bowl was empty, she was given another, accompanied by a chunk of bread which she devoured nearly as fast.

“When was the last time you ate, da’len?" the woman asked calmly when she was finished. Lyssa looked guiltily at the empty bow and swallowed the last bit of bread. Her stomach was so full it hurt but this time she didn’t mind the ache. She just hoped she could keep it all down.

“I… well, depends on what you consider eating, really," she finally managed in a small voice. “We had some old nuts and the last of our dried berries the day before yesterday, I think. Or the day before that? Don’t remember when I had something like this the last time.”

Suddenly, she realized she had eaten the whole piece of bread.  

“Damn," she muttered.

“What’s wrong?" Meraan asked who had sat down next to the other elf.

“I should’ve kept something for my mother," Lyssa said unhappily and this time she saw the looks the others exchanged, her cheeks colouring at it.

“Don’t you worry about that," the older woman said. “Your mother will get something to eat as soon as the healer is done with her.”

Lyssa nodded with relief. “Thank you," she murmured to the three of them, indicating the empty bowl.

“My name is Deshanna. I am Keeper of this clan. You already know Meraan, my First," the woman said. “What’s your name?”

“I am Lyssa,” she answered slowly, blinking at the unfamiliar words. What was a ‘keeper’? And what a first? First of what? Was Meraan Deshanna’s son?

“And your mother?”

“Darina. Darina Varmis," Lyssa said a bit shyly, “we’re from Denerim, originally. But we left last summer.”

Meraan nodded. “Because of the Blight?”

Lyssa perked up as she saw the pause the man with the basket made, the suspicious glance at where her mother lay. She quickly shook her head. “No, not… well, indirectly. But we haven’t come in contact with any Darkspawn, I promise! We left after my brother died. He had been recruited for the army to fight the Darkspawn but he was killed during training.” The man at whose fire they sat continued his work with the basket but Lyssa could see in the way he held his head that he listened closely. She gave Deshanna and Meraan a pleading look. “Mother said she didn’t want to lose me to the Templars since I’m a mage. That’s why we left.” She looked at Deshanna but could see neither surprise nor fear, in fact none of the emotions she would have expected. Instead there was only quiet contemplation. Lyssa added, “I am… we’re the only ones left. Dad and my younger brothers died two years ago when the measles spread through the alienage. Many died back then. We were lucky after all but then the Blight threatened and Tarion died and...” Her voice had gotten more quietly as she talked and when she trailed off, they were all silent for a long moment. Lyssa looked down at her hands, painstakingly aware of how dirty they were. She should have tried to clean herself a bit more when Meraan had gone to get the hunters but the thought hadn’t crossed her mind even once. Self-consciously, she hid them between her legs, looking up at Deshanna again. The woman didn’t seem to have noticed her discomfort as she asked, “Meraan tells me you want to join the Dalish? Is this true?”

Lyssa nodded and straightened nervously. “Yes please? We’ve been looking for you ever since we left Denerim.”

Deshanna smiled. “For now you can stay. At least until your mother has her strength back. Then we will talk about what will happen next.”

This certainly wasn’t what Lyssa had hoped to hear but she hid her disappointment quickly. They tended to her mother and gave her something to eat which was so much more than she had expected for the day - who was she to complain? So she nodded with a dutiful smile.

Deshanna looked like she wanted to add something but decided against it. “I think you need some rest as well, da’len. Go to Ivea and get some sleep. I think she wanted to have a look at you when she is finished with your mother. We will speak more when you are awake.”

With that, Deshanna got up again and after a last smile, she left her in Meraan’s care. Meraan took Lyssa and brought her back to the healer’s wagon after she had thanked the man for the stew another time. He had just nodded, not saying anything but his eyes hadn’t been unkind.

“Don’t worry, Lyssa," Meraan said kindly as they walked towards the wagon. “Everything will be alright now.”

“Thank you," Lyssa answered quietly. “Really. Thank you.”

Meraan only smiled. Ivea, the healer, nodded towards one of the beds and despite it being only afternoon, Lyssa lay down without any protests as she saw that her mother seemed to be asleep again. She was warm, she wasn’t hungry for the first time in what felt like ages and they were safe. Her head had barely touched the pillow before she fell asleep.


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyssa couldn’t do much more but stare at Thia helplessly. “I don’t know what any of this means,” she confessed in a small voice and Thia’s laughter softened to a smile. “No of course not,” she said, “how could you? But don’t worry. You’ll learn quickly enough. Come, I’ll comb your hair while I tell you the basics about clan life.”

Lyssa slept through to the next afternoon and when she woke, the healer Ivea gave her something to eat, assuring her that her mother was not worse, and then pointed her towards a small wagon, putting some clothes and a fresh towel into her hands. Behind the wagon she found a wooden tub big enough for several people, secluded from the business of the rest of the camp just by some big sheets. It was already filled with water scented with several herbs. Lyssa let out a grateful sigh at the sight. She knew she stank. The only washing she had been able to do for some time had been rubbing herself down in a freezing stream or just letting the rain do its job. It hadn’t been high on her priority list but now that she had a bed and clean clothes, she longed to be clean again herself. To start feeling like herself again.

She carefully put the towel and clothes on one of the benches next to the tub and tested the water. It was nearly cold and she supposed it had been refilled with hot water some time in the morning but hadn’t been heated since. Not that it mattered. She looked around but nobody paid her any attention and so she quickly put her hand completely into the water, letting her magic spread out from her fingertips. In a few moments the water was steaming again and Lyssa started to undress hastily.

“Alright, that is something that will come in handy!” someone exclaimed behind her and Lyssa swirled around, startled. A girl of approximately her age grinned at her. “You heated the water! I’d never bother Deshanna with that and Meeran can’t really handle fire but this is brilliant!”

The girl had blonde locks that seemed to try their best to escape her braid, the tips of her long ears barely looking out of them, and a smile that lit up her whole, round face. “I’m Thia, by the way. Sorry to have startled you. Ivea sends me, she forgot the comb. Hey do you mind if I join you? When I came to bathe this morning, the water was barely warm anymore so I just did a quick wash but the weather is so dreadful and I’m supposed to look after you anyway, show you around, so…” She put her hands into her hips, still grinning. “Lyssa, right?” she asked when all Lyssa could do was stare at her.

“Uhm,” Lyssa made and then settled on nodding. She was still pressing her shirt against her chest, only half dressed. Thia gave her a wink and nodded towards it. “Ah, you’ll get used to naked skin quickly. We’re living too close together to bother with concepts of shame about something ridiculous like that.”

She proved her words true by undressing without a second thought and, completely naked, went over to where a bucket stood next to some wooden planks on the forest floor. It was only now that Lyssa saw the small stream that went by directly behind it. Thia filled the bucket from the stream and went back to the planks. She winked again at Lyssa who slowly followed her example and undressed, and gave herself a quick wash before she climbed into the big tub, sinking into the hot water with a content sigh.

Lyssa slowly peeled herself out of the dirty clothes, somewhat overwhelmed by Thia’s presence. But the girl was so expressive that it was easy for her to read her and there was no malice or lie in what she had said. Lyssa took an instinctive liking to her. And if she was honest, she was grateful that Thia had shown up - Lyssa would just have gotten into the big tub, probably making the water unusable afterwards with how dirty she was. Still, she was self-conscious, overly aware of the difference in appearance between the two of them as she filled the bucket with water. She just dumped it over herself once before she rubbed off the worst of the dirt, dousing herself again with cold water and then climbing into the tub to join Thia. Where Thia was round and even soft in places, Lyssa knew she herself showed too many bones and bruises. But the other girl didn’t seem to notice - or if she did, she didn’t say anything.

“Sylaise bless you, seriously,” Thia sighed and sank deeper into the water with a smile, closing her eyes in bliss. Lyssa shared her feeling as the hot water slowly warmed her cold limbs but she looked up at the unfamiliar word.

“Sylaise?” she asked cautiously and blinked in surprise as Thia cheered, putting both arms up in the air. “She speaks!”

Lyssa immediately retreated a bit and Thia laughed. “Ir abelas. My apologies. I sometimes tend to overdo it. But really, it’s the first thing I’ve heard you say.”

“Sorry,” Lyssa mumbled, blushing and the elven girl laughed again. “No need to apologize, really. I’ll get used to it. But you asked and that is awesome! Rumors are that you’re planning on staying? So then you need to ask all the questions and also, that is really good because Meeran has been pining after the Serveh clan for years. If you’re staying he might go after all. Then you might even become new First! You are the only other mage here after all!”

Lyssa couldn’t do much more but stare at Thia helplessly. “I don’t know what any of this means,” she confessed in a small voice and Thia’s laughter softened to a smile. “No of course not,” she said, “how could you? But don’t worry. You’ll learn quickly enough. Come, I’ll comb your hair while I tell you the basics about clan life.”

Thia talked to her all the way through their bath and then showed her how to put on the traditional clothes Ivea had given her before Lyssa burned the old ones. Then she took her on a tour through the camp, introducing her to nearly everyone they met until Lyssa’s head was swimming with names and faces and facts, and evening fell. This night, Lyssa found herself surrounded by elves of all ages. Her mother was still in healer Ivea’s care but had was awake and, just as Deshanna had promised, had gotten something to eat as well, telling Lyssa to go and have fun. Thia didn’t leave her side once and even though Lyssa had been overwhelmed by her presence in the beginning, she found it soothing now. There was something so warm, happy and open about Thia that it was hard not to be joyful as well.  

The days that followed were full of learning and talks. Lyssa nearly immediately started to train with both Deshanna and Meeran when they heard that she had never had a mage’s training before. Her mother got better by the day and Ivea soon found that she had in Lyssa a second helper who could match her apprentice in some areas already. In the evenings, Lyssa was taken away by Thia to be with her friends who, as a side effect, introduced her to clan life better than any training could. As soon as Darina was up on her feet again, she had a long talk with Deshanna and soon after, when the families of the clan had given their consent, they were officially welcomed into the Lavellan clan. Since there were only two of them, they lived at the fire of Thia’s family for as long as the clan stayed at their winter quarter. The following months were full of learning and settling in.

 

Soon, the clan became family and a home that reminded Lyssa of the early years of her childhood, back when her dad and brothers were still alive. Even the laughter came back to her mother who quickly managed to become a part of the close-knit community of the clan.

 

Lyssa officially began her training as Second, adding lessons with Ivea in every free minute she could find. Both the healer and the Keeper were delighted to find in her a student both quick and eager to learn. She absorbed every bit of knowledge and history she could get, in times getting completely lost in the stories and fables, falling in love with the religion and history of the Dalish - sometimes so much so that Thia had to drag her out into the woods to stop reading. She often sneaked her away from the Keeper’s supervision when she thought Lyssa had had enough and showed her everything she needed to know about plants and the woods in general. It was thanks to her friend that Lyssa discovered her love for the forests and the silence she found there. While she had come to love the life in the clan and the fact that she did not need to hide her magic, there were times when the closeness of their aravels and camps were hard to bear.

 

For a few years, everything seemed to be nearly perfect. Then Darina fell sick again, just before Lyssa got her vallaslin. This time, she did not get better, slowly wasting away with nobody being able to find anything that helped her for longer than a few days. Even Lyssa’s magic did nothing to ease the ever-growing pain she endured. She died in the spring and even though Lyssa had known it would happen, she was devastated. Darina had been the last of her family. Barely knowing how to cope, she threw herself into her studies with even more determination. When Meeran left later that year to be with his new wife in another clan, she became Deshanna’s new First, burying herself in the new responsibilities. She was just slowly being drawn back into clan life by Thia - and someone she did not expect.

Lyssa had seen Nelos around the camp when they were welcomed to the Lavellan clan but didn’t give him much heed back then. There were so many people in the clan, it was hard to keep track at first. And with the general settling in and her training with the Keeper which had started immediately, she had had enough to occupy her mind and despite liking him, he wasn’t one of the few friends she made in the first weeks. It was one afternoon shortly after her mother’s funeral, when Lyssa had sought solitude in the forest that he stumbled over her.

“Lyssa! Ir abelas,” he said quickly and with true sympathy as he saw her wiping her cheeks. She gave him a quick smile, blinking away the tears. “Nelos. I did not know you were here on the hunt. My apologies.”

He tilted his head and gave her a thoughtful look. “Actually… I wasn’t. There’s a place here I like to visit when we’re near.” He paused for a moment as she nodded and looked back down at her hands. Then he added, “I… would you like to see it? It always helps me to find some peace of mind and after the funeral I guess you could use such a place.”

Lyssa looked up at him in surprise. He was one of their best scouts and everybody knew that Nelos had a knack for finding secluded, beautiful places. Often, he led the clan to them but it was an open secret that he kept some of them just for himself. It was rare that he offered to share them and normally just with very close friends. She let out a breath, searching his face. He looked at her with kindness and she could see nothing but the open wish to help and after a moment, she nodded, giving him a smile. “That would be wonderful. Thank you.”

Nelos offered calm companionship and an open ear where Thia showered her with distractions. Together they managed to help Lyssa in her grief, cheering her up, and soon, she sought his company just as much as Thia’s, the two of them becoming nearly as inseparable. The depth of their friendship was a surprise to both. While she was undoubtedly a part of the clan, being the First still set her apart somewhat. In combination with her generally withdrawn character, she was never someone who was the middle of the attention, nor did she want to be. Nelos on the other hand was as social as Thia and nearly as popular. Handsome, easy to laugh, never holding a grudge and passionate in everything he did, he was a man who found friends among strangers in minutes. His skills as a hunter and scout made him invaluable to the clan and welcome at every fire. And despite being a shameless flirt, he never took advantage of someone and at least at human settlements limited his flirts to exactly that: flirts and compliments and nothing more. That Lyssa reacted to his flirts mostly with amusement because she saw how superficial they were seemed to delight him. But what drew them together more than anything else was their openness with each other. He was surprised to find that Lyssa had no interest in his flirts but in who he was and in turn offered her honesty and an open ear whenever she was ready to talk about something close to her heart.

Despite the inevitable rumors that arouse due to how much time they spend with each other and Thia’s excessive teasing about it, friendship was all either of them sought. At least until the following winter. It was an exceptionally cold month and the lake near their winter camp had completely frozen over. One day, nearly half of the clan was on the ice. What started as ice fishing soon developed into a crazy, joyful hunt over the ice and Lyssa gathered the children of the clan to hunt Nelos down when he got too cocky, cheered on by Thia. The race ended with the two of them falling over each other in a big heap, laughing breathlessly. It was that moment when he held laughingly onto her, their faces barely apart that Lyssa realized how much she wished for him to kiss her. It was not the first time that she had thought about it - with his flirting and good looks, the long black hair and blue eyes in his copper skin marked by Ghilan’nain, it was hard not to think about it. But it was the first time that she realized she actually wanted it to happen, that she wanted more than just idle fantasies in the depth of the night. Suddenly her heart raced but Nelos just gave her his usual wink, his face showing nothing similar to the feelings that surged within her. When they stood up, she was glad for the race that explained the flush in her face and her hot cheeks.

In the following week, Lyssa watched him closer than before, seeking his proximity. But to her sorrow, nothing changed in his behavior towards her. He was her friend. Nothing more. Lyssa didn’t say anything to avoid making things uncomfortable between them and after a while it got bearable. Spring turned to summer and they still were as close as before, that had to be enough.

“Huh. You’re a bird I haven’t expected.”

Lyssa started at the unexpected comment, nearly losing her balance on the branch she was sitting on. She searched for the source of the voice until she discovered a familiar face grinning at her from another tree. She let out her breath and shook her head, laughing softly. “Nelos! How long have you been there?”

“I was about to ask you the same question,” he grinned and settled back into a similar branch fork as the one she was sitting on. Now that she knew he was there, it was difficult to see how she could’ve missed him at all.

“Wait.” Lyssa narrowed her eyes at him as a thought came to here, “Weren’t you supposed to accompany Tairion and the others to town?”

Nelos shrugged, conspicuously innocently. “I switched places with Kai. She is the better hunter anyway. And I really cannot stand the town. I wouldn’t really be an asset for Tairion, scaring the shems and all.”

“More like flirting with the wrong people,” Lyssa muttered, giving him a pointed look, but without malice. The clan was not the only place where Nelos was infamous for his good looks and easy-going nature. They had left more than one pining human girl or boy in trading towns behind. It wasn’t that she couldn’t understand it but Nelos only laughed at the remark.

“Yeah, that too. I may or may not avoid meeting a certain someone who didn’t like the looks his wife gave me the last time. Well. What am I to do?”

“You could try not to respond in kind?”

“Nah. Where’s the fun in that?”

Lyssa grinned and shook her head before she tried to focus back on her book. It was hard to be angry or even annoyed at Nelos. When she looked up again a few moments later, she found Nelos looking at her and raised both eyebrows. “What is it?”

A mischievous twinkle came to his eyes as he asked, “Weren’t you supposed to study with the Keeper today?”

“Uhm. No?” Lyssa felt the heat creep into her cheeks and ears and Nelos burst out laughing.

“I can’t get over the fact how bad a liar you are, Lyssa.”

“I am studying. Just not… with the Keeper today”, Lyssa defended herself and indicated the book but it didn’t seem like Nelos could hear her over his laughter. Lyssa pouted and pointedly ignored him, her ears burning. Suddenly, he was next to her in the tree and put a leaf between her book pages. She looked up, taken by surprise and asked, “Wait, what are you…”

Nelos only grinned and closed the book in her lap. “Come on,” he said conspiratorially, “if we’re both ignoring our responsibilities today, we can do it properly.”

Lyssa narrowed her eyes at him but couldn’t help but smile. “You’re the worst.”

He shrugged with an amused twinkle in his dark eyes. “That’s why you love me.”

Lyssa laughed, her heart skipping a beat at his words and packed the book away. “True enough. Alright. What did you have in mind?”

He took her into a part of the forest she hadn’t seen before. From the looks of it, few ever ventured this far into the woods but Nelos not once hesitated. He obviously knew it like the back of his hand and Lyssa gave him a curious look when they finally stopped. They stood at the edge of a small pool that had formed beneath a spring which trickled down a rocky lift. Tall, ancient trees towered above them, moss-covered rocks and smooth, silvery grass between them. The heat of the summer was broken by the leaves above and the sunbeams were pillars losing themselves between the trees. It was incredibly beautiful, so much so that it had an unreal atmosphere to it.

“How come you never showed me this part of the woods before?” she asked, taking in the details of the scenery unfolding before her. They roamed the forests they stayed in regularly together and they usually showed each other every new beautiful place they discovered immediately. But it was clear he had been here more than once, so why didn’t she know of it?

“I was saving it for a special occasion,” he answered with an undertone in his voice she couldn’t quite grasp and her eyes flew back to him, reading the tiny hints in his face betraying his feelings to her. At first, the only thing she could read was uncertainty and nervousness but then their eyes met. Suddenly, his face softened and the look in his eyes made her breathless. Her heart started to race as she recognized the expression mirroring her own feelings which she hadn’t dared to reveal to him.

A radiant smile started to spread over her lips and Nelos turned towards her as she just whispered, “Finally,” raising one hand to his cheek. For a moment, he seemed to freeze at her touch, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he tried to process what she meant but Lyssa no longer waited, rising to her toes and kissed him.

As her lips tenderly brushed over his, he froze for a long second, too surprised to react. Then his arms came around her, pulling her closer and with a sigh that bordered on a groan he kissed her back. His lips opened beneath hers and she could feel his heartbeat quicken as her arms went around his neck. Their kiss was tender at first but soon turned passionate and when they parted after what seemed an eternity, the kiss left a tingling sensation on Lyssa’s lips and she smiled with closed eyes, savoring the feeling. When she opened them again, Nelos was looking at her with wonder.

“How long have you been waiting for this?” he asked and Lyssa chuckled.

“A few months now,” she said. “Since the afternoon on the ice. Do you remember?”

“Of course I do”, he muttered, tenderly pushing a lock back behind her ear, tracing her vallaslin with his thumb. Nelos shook his head. “To think I tried to gather the courage to do this ever since we came back to the Free Marches in late spring while you already knew… Why didn’t you say something?”

Lyssa raised an eyebrow. “To be just another one of the many poor souls professing their undying love to you without hope?”

Nelos narrowed his eyes at her, defensiveness in his voice as he declared, “There aren’t that many.”

“Oh, really? Alright. The last stop in Raunin? The girl with the blond braids, the widow with these ridiculous dogs, the redhead boy, that tavern servant and wasn’t one of the guards giving you the looks as well? And then when we met Clan Valenos in spring...”

Nelos laughed and raised a hand in defeat, keeping the other arm firmly around her waist. “Alright, alright, you win.”

Lyssa smiled, feeling ridiculously happy. “I know I do”, she said and kissed him again. This time she didn’t have to wait for his reaction.   
  



	5. Darker than Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparks were dancing through the air as if they were fireflies, playing hide and seek with the shadows between the trees. The drops of bloods flying from Nelos’ neck were a deep purple, so dark that they looked nearly black. Somewhere in the sky the first stars came to life just as Lyssa saw the life being yanked out of her beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: violence and death.

“What happened?”

Lyssa could see something was wrong the minute Nelos came back even without reading his face. His worry was tangible in every movement as he put down his bow and pack. He came over to her and kissed her, before he answered, “The shemlen didn’t like our prices.”

She just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. It wasn’t unusual for human merchants to dislike it when they came to trade and it mostly was about the prices, no matter how ridiculous the humans’ arguments were. Nearly every time they went somewhere to trade there was some discussion or even heated argument with one or other merchant. Most didn’t bother them because they knew the Dalish were gone in a few days anyway but some wouldn’t back down. Nelos started to gather their things and Lyssa stopped her work and took her hands out of the bread dough she had been kneading. While arguments weren’t unusual, he normally wasn’t that bothered by them, especially not as much as to start packing. His next words explained his worry. “He said we stole from him and that was why we could afford to sell so low.”

Lyssa’s eyes widened and she quickly wiped her hands on a cloth. That was out of the ordinary. Not so uncommon as to be unheard of but mostly, the shems stopped at insults. But accusing them of actual crime could become dangerous. She looked over to the Keeper’s aravel, seeing Tairion in deep conversation with her, worry in both their faces. She watched them for a few moments and nodded when she saw them come to a conclusion.

“We’re leaving,” she said calmly, brushing the flour from her hands. Nelos looked up from where he was putting a basket into their travel and followed her eyes to the Keeper, shaking his head.

“I’ll never get how you do that”, he wondered as the Keeper announced that they would pack and leave immediately. Lyssa smiled and shrugged. “It’s just a matter of looking close enough,” she said before she put a damp cloth over the dough. With a bit of luck it would be good to finish tomorrow. Around the camp, a flurry of activity broke out. They all knew what to do in such a situation and wherever she looked, Lyssa could see nothing but calm determination in people’s faces as they quickly started to gather everything. 

The scouts sounded the alarm just as they were harnessing the halla. Dusk had fallen and an eerily dim light lay in the clearing where they had camped. Lyssa and Nelos exchanged an alarmed look as the first shouts flew through the camp, orders to the hunters and calls to the children to get inside.

“So soon?” she asked and he grabbed his bow with a grim look just as she took her staff after she had freed the halla again so they wouldn’t crash or overturn the aravel in a panic during the attack.

“They must have followed us immediately. Looks like he was more pissed than we thought. Be careful, vhenan,” Nelos murmured, giving her a small smile as she answered, “You too.” Then he raced off to his position.

Lyssa hurried around the camp, laying wards on every aravel she passed after she had made sure that the children were safely inside. They each knew exactly where to be and what to do in these situations but despite their drills, fear lay in the air. Suppressed sobs and crying could be heard from every other corner, where terrified children pressed themselves against their parents or older siblings, the hunters grabbing more arrows or drawing their knives with a determined, grim look in their faces. The wind brought the first drafts smelling of torches being carried towards them. Lyssa couldn’t help the fear dawning in her at the smell. This was no normal attack.

“Done?” Deshanna asked Lyssa when she came to meet her, nothing but a grim resolve in her face.

“I’ll go support the front,” she answered and the Keeper nodded, laying a barrier around them both before they hurried in opposite directions. This was no time for long discussions.

Lyssa had hoped she would have the opportunity to lay a few rune traps but she hadn’t even reached the closest hunters when the whining whistle of a signal arrow warned them about the closing enemy and suddenly the air was filled with the roar of charging warriors. Torches were hurled against them, most falling useless to the ground, one or two reaching their goal and setting fire to an aravel’s sails. Lyssa could feel Deshanna’s magic crackling in the air as she went about freezing and extinguishing the flames and resetting the triggered wards. Arrows started to rain down and the first screams filled the air accompanied by the copper smell of blood, despite the barrier that Lyssa nearly instinctively threw around everyone in her vicinity. Then the first humans appeared beneath the darkness of the trees and without thinking, she let her magic rise within her, raising her staff and slamming it down again, letting loose a bolt of lightning that met with armor and jumping to the next and the next. The first one twitched like a puppet before collapsing, a broadsword falling to the ground. ‘They sent the guard after us,’ Lyssa realized and a jolt of fear went through her. Most of the time if they had to fight they had to handle angry farmers or villagers who were never properly trained to fight. But guards were another matter completely. And the clan had been caught while packing. There was no time to think and in the following minutes, Lyssa acted purely on instinct, letting her magic guide her. She dodged a knife here and just barely sidestepped an arrow there, taking down the archer with a firebolt before she laid another barrier around the hunters she saw fighting ahead. Spinning and advancing, her fingers tingling with magic, her breath rapid, she renewed the wards at the closest aravels again before letting lose the next lightning bolt, ignoring the screams coming from her right side, knowing Deshanna would deal with it. By now she had reached the edge of the clearing, throwing barriers around her people, extinguishing flames and trying to push the humans back beneath the trees where the hunters would be able to deal with them. Most of their attackers wielded swords or even broadswords which would be close to useless in the thick of the underwood. 

 

“Apostate!!”

She spun around at the shout and her world exploded in red and pain as the broad-shouldered man slammed his armored fist in her face. Her staff fell to the ground as she flew back against a tree and collapsed, gasping for air and only tasting blood. For a second, she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t move, blinking desperately. The black fog before her eyes dissipated slowly as a huge figure rose above her, raising a blade and in the blink of an eye she let loose a mental wave. She had no time to panic, struggling to her feet as the warrior before her staggered back, nearly losing the grip on his sword. Lyssa used the chance to desperately search for her staff to be able to focus her magic better but it lay useless on the ground, too far for her to reach. Her eyes flew back to the attacker, taking in his short-cropped blond hair, the stubble of beard, the broad shoulders and dark eyes, the snarl of his lips as he bared his teeth at her. Her fear was a tightly woven knot in her stomach as the grip of his hands tightened around his broadsword. She wiped the blood out of her eyes and started for her staff the same moment he regained his balance. With two quick steps he cut her off from her staff and despite the slight dizziness she still felt, she threw a fireball at him. He sidestepped it easily and it dissipated at the next tree, barely enough power in it to scorch it. Even of she managed to get him away from the staff again, it was probably too late, she realized as he forced her backwards a few steps with a well-aimed swing of his sword. He knew it as well and a cruel grin was on his lips as straightened and advanced on her. 

Suddenly, a figure flew from the shadows, knives blinking in the dim light of falling night and fire, tackling the warrior. Lyssa’ eyes grew wide with fear as she recognized her husband but no sound came from her lips for fear of distracting him. His bow was nowhere to be seen, his quiver empty as he danced on light feet back from the man. What Nelos lacked in strength against the human he made up in speed and grace, his knives swirling through the air. The human had instinctively raised his blade as Nelos had attacked him, so the slash intended for his neck only met the armor on his arm but the second blow slashed his forehead and the man roared with fury, grabbing his sword with both hands again.

For a split second, Nelos’ eyes flickered to her. “Lyssa, go!”

Without wasting another moment, Lyssa made a sprint for her staff, barely evading another arrow. The sound of steel on steel behind her raised the hairs on her neck as she nearly slid on the moist grass. Blade met blade, a grunt and angry shout cut through the air. The second her fingers closed around the smooth wood of her staff she swirled around, raising it instantly. She saw the barrier forming around Nelos in the same instant as the human slashed his throat, blood spraying through the night air. 

The world came to a halt.

Sparks were dancing through the air as if they were fireflies, playing hide and seek with the shadows between the trees. The drops of bloods flying from Nelos’ neck were a deep purple, so dark that they looked nearly black. Somewhere in the sky the first stars came to life just as Lyssa saw the life being yanked out of her beloved. She didn’t need her healer’s knowledge to know there was nothing to be done. A strand of his black hair was plastered across his forehead and the intricately adorned hilts of his knives, laid in with gold, glittered in the shine of the fires as they fell out of his hands. A last splutter of blood fell from his lips as he met the ground in a horrible thud, his eyes already empty as his body grew dreadfully still. Lyssa stared motionless as an arrow crossed between the warrior and her, meeting the ground uselessly. Slowly, her eyes went up at the human who had killed him, every breath she took burning within her breast as if the very air was on fire. She could see the brown gritted teeth of the human, a speck of spit hanging at his chin, blood streaming down his cheek from where Nelos had cut his forehead, painting a bloody mask on his face. Then he raised his sword again and she saw the fresh, dark blood rolling down over the shimmering steel and a wave of horror and a pain so intense she had never thought it possible crashed over Lyssa. A dark whisper was deep within her as she looked back at the man and then the world was on fire. The warrior’s grin faltered as he looked at her and something made him take a step back but it was too late. The white fireball she summoned engulfed him completely, setting fire to his hair and Lyssa could see the blood on his face start to boil in an instant. She looked him directly in the eyes as he died screaming. Afterwards, she stopped feeling, moving around the camp with emotionless efficiency. Her fire bolts had an intensity like never before, her barriers held strong and it wasn’t long that the humans called off their attack and the fires on the aravels were extinguished.

Lyssa looked up at the night sky as she saw the hunters go around camp, gathering arrows and speeding those along who were beyond any healing. The air still smelled like fire but darkness had fallen completely. Her eyes wandered around the aravels, making sure that everyone was safe. The first halla were already being called back and Ivea hurried around camp, tending to the wounded. Lyssa knew she should help. She knew she had to help but her legs wouldn’t comply. The night seemed too dark, too sharp around the edges, her lungs still burning with every breath she took. Something dropped on her hand and as she looked down, she saw that it was blood, still dropping from her forehead where the man had backhanded her.

 

Deshanna stopped next to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “Lyssa, what are you doing? We need to get going.”

She nodded, still unable to speak. She knew she had to move, to go see after… but she couldn’t. It would mean facing reality, facing what had happened, and she wasn’t yet ready to do that. Deshanna had hurried on, calling out to several others to ready the aravels and Lyssa put one foot before the other, swaying for a second. In the vicinity of her perception she saw one of the hunters with a tear-streaked face gather cloth to wrap her wife’s lifeless body for travel and something inside of her broke. As she walked on, the dark pain she had closed away started to fill her whole body again, making her limbs heavy and cold. But she knew what she had to do. With nearly automatic movements she went to her own aravel, taking out the sheet they used as a blanket. For a moment she held it to her face, inhaling the smell, sealing it into her memory. Then she turned around, slowly walking to where Nelos lay in the darkness.

 

“Vhenan”, she whispered as she knelt down next to him. There was a pool of blood next to him, shimmering black on the ground, his lifeless eyes staring through her, the gaping wound in his neck a horrible red. Lyssa ignored it, tenderly closing his eyes and wiping the hair and blood out of his face, her fingers wandering lovingly over the lines of his face. She knew she should hurry, putting him into the blanket to get going but for the moment she was unable to. Her lips quivered as she kissed his cold lips and silent tears started to fall as she sang. “Tel’enfenim, vhenan...  irassal ma ghilas…” Her voice broke over the old lullaby as she lay the blanked beside him and pulled him onto it. As she covered his face, she felt as if with him, something of herself had died as well and not even her sobs could fill the hollow ache inside her.


	6. Do you dare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The war has reached a climax. But the Divine has called a conclave to which both sides have agreed.”
> 
> “That is good, is it not? It might bring forth a peace.”
> 
> “Or embolden the Templars even more if they are officially justified. They ignored the Dalish mages so far but will they continue to do so if they win this war?”

“Hello puppy”, Lyssa greeted the child crawling towards her.

“No! I’m a kitten!”, the boy protested, pointedly meowing. Lyssa laughed.

“Apologies, kitty. Care for some milk?” She offered him a cup and when he gave her a critical look, she grinned. “I put some honey in”, she assured him.

“Yay!” Fenan grabbed the cup and ran away with it.

Jhenna shook her head as she watched her son disappear around the corner of the aravel. “You spoil him too much.”

Lyssa shrugged, completely unapologetically and laughed. “Who if not I?”

“Lyssa?”

She looked up as Deshanna approached her and suddenly, the smile died on her face. Whatever Deshanna had to tell her, it was nothing she enjoyed - and definitely nothing Lyssa would enjoy. Her throat closed in anticipation. Jhenna knew that look on her friend’s face and looked to the Keeper, her hands frozen in midair. “Not another attack?”, she asked, horrified. Like Lyssa, she had lost her husband in the vicious attack two years ago and ever since, she was doubly anxious. But the Keeper shook her head.

“No, don’t worry. I just have to talk to Lyssa for a moment.”

Lyssa took a deep breath and wiped the worried look from her face, giving Jhenna an apologetic smile before she got up.

“I’m coming, Keeper.”

 

She expected the Keeper to guide her towards her aravel but instead, Deshanna took her on a walk around the camp.

“How are you, Lyssa?”, she asked, smiling at another elf who passed them and Lyssa blinked surprised at the odd question.

“I am fine”, she said. “Fenan is back to full strength after his cold.”

“Good. Your arrangement turned out quite well, hasn’t it?”

“It has indeed.” Lyssa wondered where Deshanna was going with this. The two women had started to share a fire to deal with their losses. Lyssa helped Jhenna with her now fatherless children and Jhenna added her own skills to Lyssa’s healer’s duties. But none of this was news to Deshanna.

“Good.”

“The salves have turned out very well this year and I’m really looking forward to coming back to the ruins”, Lyssa continued. “I still think there is a way to get behind the cave-in and I have a feeling that we’ll find something there.”

The Keeper nodded. “Good, good”, she said again but Lyssa could see that her thoughts were somewhere else completely. Lyssa stopped and took her mentor’s arm.

“Deshanna, what is it? Nothing of what I just said is news to you. What are you avoiding to talk about?”

The older woman sighed and turned to face Lyssa. “Maro came back”, she stated. Maro was a skilled young city elf who had come to them a few months back and had often served the clan as informant. Lyssa read worry in Deshanna’s face and her brow furrowed.

“What has he found out?”, she asked when the Keeper didn’t continue.

“The war has reached a climax. But the Divine has called a conclave to which both sides have agreed.”

Lyssa nodded slowly. The war between mages and templars had swept across the land and not even the Dalish could ignore it. Both she and Deshanna had felt like they needed to keep tabs on what was happening, so every few weeks, when they passed a city or bigger town, they send someone to bring news.

“That is good, is it not? It might bring forth a peace.”

“Or embolden the Templars even more if they are officially justified. They ignored the Dalish mages so far but will they continue to do so if they win this war?”

Lyssa looked across the camp, worry written in her face. They were their Keepers - keepers of lore and history and learning but also safekeepers. Would they now bring something far worse than the sporadic attack about their clan?

“I want you to go to the conclave to see for yourself what is happening. Learn everything you can and bring the news back.”

Lyssa’s eyes snapped back to Deshanna, widening. “No”, she flatly refused as she saw that her mentor and friend was more than serious.

The thought of going back into human company was horrifying. She never had liked to think about her life before the clan but since Nelos’ death, she had refused going even near a human settlement. And now Deshanna wanted her to go back to what was in her mind now inevitably connected with death and pain?

Deshanna saw the anguish in Lyssa’s eyes and looked her square in the eye. Lyssa could read the sadness and pity and determination in her face. “Lyssa, I need your expertise in this. You will be able to blend in and they will not look twice at another mage going in. And you will be able to see treachery before it happens.”

“Don’t ask this of me”, Lyssa said but Deshanna did not back down.

“You need to face these fears. Experience them. Feel them. Embrace them. Only then will you be able to let them go”, she said but for once, Lyssa wouldn’t listen.

“No”, she repeated, taking a step backwards, shaking her head. “No.” Then she turned around and left Deshanna where she stood.

 

That night, she found no sleep. Over and over, the Keeper’s words turned in her head. It was true, she would be able to blend in and since most humans wore their emotions on their face like a coat, she would also be able to see if someone spotted her or planned something treacherous. She had left the camp after her talk with the Keeper and didn’t return when night fell. This was something she needed to work through on her own. She found one of her favourite spots in this part of the woods and settled down to think. 

 

Just before dawn, she came back, nodding a silent greeting to the hunters on night’s watch. The camp was still mostly asleep. She wandered between the aravels, touching an adornment here, an old scar in the wood there. Smelling the mix of nearly burned-down fires, halla and herbs, of oil and wood and trampled-down grass and her heart grew wide. This was the life she loved, the people she loved, her family. And now, her Keeper asked her to fulfill what she was trained for - to keep them safe. She touched the ring around her neck that Nelos had once given her, her heart heavy. How could she refuse?

 

She sat down at Deshanna’s fire and brought it back to life with a flick of her hand, waiting for the Keeper to wake while preparing breakfast. As the older woman came towards her just as the sun tipped over the horizon, sleep in her eyes, Lyssa gave her a tiny smile.

“When do I leave?”


End file.
